Broken and precious

The title of this blog, 'Broken and precious', refers to you and me. I just come from doing my Thursday night grocery shopping in Vic Park and it seemed as though the Holy Spirit was yearning inside of me for the people I saw. I became sad for the people I saw.

I saw a young man, very handsome, about 25 years old, with his mother or his wife (they were Asian and so I couldn't tell her age too well to assume). He seemed to suffer from turrets syndrome and made yelping noises constantly throughout the shopping centre.

I saw an old man smoking a cigarette. His entire body jerked with every step he took.

I saw a young woman who was troubled in her mind. She walked with no shoes and shouted abuse at people for no apparent reason.

I wanted to be their friend. I wanted to reach out and hug them all. I want to be the person they can call a friend.

I spent last night unable to sleep. I was burdened with the guilt of sin and the sickness that one feels in their belly when they know they have grieved the Holy Spirit with their actions. Once again, I was ashamed and unable to confess for I thought of how I'd abused His grace once again. In my own eyes I was a hypocrite. this sickness continued throughout today.

I realised this night that the sickness I felt was bearing witness to me that I am still loved by God. One who does not have the Holy Spirit does not feel this grief. I realised that the sadness I felt for people bared witness to me that I am still in the vine. God hasn't forsaken me.

I thought of David. One moment writing beautiful psalms, and the next moment seducing a married woman. I thought of the people in Jesus family tree - Rahab (a prostitute), David (a murderer and adulterer), Jacob (hmm... what shall I say about Jacob) (I am labelling them by human terms - not Gods). I thought of the people at the table with Jesus - sinners and lepers. The outcasts of society. The people who didn't have it all together. Not the perfect. Not those who were consistently faithful. People who sinned. People who turned away and returned often.

Then I saw myself at the table with Jesus. I saw that I am part of the biblical story that is ongoing. I am a sinner whose heart has been invaded by Christ. The Holy Spirit has made His home in me. The gift of God is irrevocable. I will serve God all of my days. I will always remember my place at the table of God, in the presence of sinners accepted by grace. Loved. Being renewed daily. Living with mission. A minister of reconciliation.

Know who you are dear child. God has not forsaken you. Jesus has removed the barrier that separated us from God. Know you're loved and accepted.